I wish I was a cat. Check this lazy, fat, useless mog out:
If I were the cat, I’d be playing on game servers. ALL day. EVERY day. Maybe laze in the sun for a bit after a spot of lunch (not Whiskers, mind you- pizza ftw). But all day, every day. I’d be gaming. Spot of Counterstrike Source in the morning. Hop on some INX DOD Source game servers in the afternoon. Yeah, that’d be the life. Instead, every day I fix game servers. But I don’t play on game servers. Sometimes life is SO unfair.
This week I am on ‘holiday’, staying with my mum, brothers and sister in Spalding, Lincolnshire. While they go to work / school / college, I am working from my mum’s home on my laptop. This cat sits here mocking me. While I’m fixing clan’s game servers all day long, the cat positions itself perfectly in the sun. It REALLY gets on my wick. Ziggy can’t even miaow. She makes this HALF-ars*d noise like someone’s sat on a crisp packet. AOOOYYOOOW. AOOOYOOOW. We bought some toys for ziggy. One a ‘tigger’ cat on a piece of string that goes *rattle rattle*. Most cats will chase this toy round the house. Del Monte and Eesha’s cats do. Does my cat? Does it..
If you pull the toy along side Ziggy, hoping for her attention she looks at you with this “WTF?!” expression. The cat cba to move. What a lazy, miserable cat. You have to dangle the toy in a position convenient to Ziggy, i.e. over the top of her paw, so she’ll play. What a waste.
So, if you believe in reincarnation, take very careful note. Become a cat. But while your owners are out, don’t waste your time licking yourself and eyeballing the dog. FFS play on some game servers. Preferably some INX-Gaming game servers, because it keeps Olly in a job.